Did you hear the one about the lion who ate clowns?You’ll roar.
What do you call a cat who eats a lemon?A sourpuss.
Why shouldn’t you shortchange a skunk?It’s bound to make a stink.
What did the judge say when the skunk came in to testify?“Odor in the court!”
What do you call an overweight cat?A flabby tabby.
Why was the rabbit so unhappy?She was having a bad hare day.
How do you catch a squirrel?Climb a tree and act like a nut.
What kind of language do porcupines speak?Spine language.
How did the tree feel after the beaver left?Gnawed so good.
What did the baby porcupine say to the cactus?“Is that you, Mommy?”
What type of shoes do bears wear?None. They go bear foot.
What do you get from a pampered cow?Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a parrot?I don’t know, but when it talks, you’d better listen!
Why was the cat so small?Because it drank only condensed milk!
What did the 500-pound canary say as he walked down the street?“Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.”
Why aren’t leopards any good at hide-and-seek?Because they’re always spotted.
Why do you have to be careful when it rains cats and dogs?To make sure you don’t step in a poodle.
Why should you be careful when playing against a team of big cats?They might be cheetahs.
What do you call a cat who can bowl?An alley cat.
What do you call a cat who’s been thrown in the dryer?Fluffy.
What do you call a cat who gets thrown in the dryer and is never found again?Socks.
What did the cat get on the test?A purr-fect score.
What do you give to an injured pig?Oinkment.
What animal has more lives than a cat?A frog. It croaks every night.
What has six eyes but can’t see?Three blind mice.
What do you get when you cross Lassie with a rose?A collie flower.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a pig?A bird who hogs the conversation.
What do you get when you cross a dog with an omelet?Pooched eggs.
What do you get when you cross a sprinter with a dog?The 100-yard Dachshund.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a journalist?A Rover reporting.
What’s better than a talking dog?A spelling bee.
Why did the Doberman marry the Golden Retriever?He found her very fetching.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a soldier?A pooper trooper.
What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?Winnie the Pee-yew!
What happened to the cat when she swallowed a ball of wool?She had mittens.
How do you make a puppy disappear?Use Spot remover.
What do you get when you put a kitten in a Xerox machine?A copycat.
What do cats call mice?Delicious.
Why did the cat family move next door to the mouse family?So they could have the neighbors for dinner.
What do you get when you put your kitten in the refrigerator?The coolest cat in town.
What’s a cat’s favorite color?Purrrrrple.
What do you call a pooch who wakes up too early in the morning?A groggy doggie.
What do you do with a broken dog?Get him fixed.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow?Ice cream.
What’s fast, furry, and goes “foow, foow”?A dog chasing a car that’s in reverse.
Where can you leave your dog while you shop?In the barking lot.
What do cats drink on hot summer afternoons?Miced tea.
What do you get when you cross a leopard with a dishwasher?Spots on your dishes.
Why won’t banks allow kangaroos to open accounts?Their checks always bounce.
What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth?A gummy bear.
What do bears wear in their hair?Bearettes.
What did the mother buffalo say to her son before he left?“Bison.”
What did the mother kangaroo say when her baby was kidnapped?“Somebody help me catch that pickpocket!”
What do rabbits sing to each other once a year?“Hoppy Birthday.”
What do you get when you cross a cow with a volcano?Udder disaster.
Why couldn’t Noah catch many fish while he was on the Ark?Because he had only two worms!
Why were all the mice in disguise?They were attending a mousequerade party.
Why can’t you play cards in the jungle?Because of the cheetahs.
What do you call itwhen a bull swallows a stick of dynamite?A-bomb-in-a-bull.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a bath?Squeaky clean.
What’s a mouse’s least favorite sound?The hiss of death.
Where do baby calves go for lunch?The calf-eteria.
Why wouldn’t the girl mouse move in with the boy mouse?Because his house was such a hole in the wall.
What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a baby goat?One stuck-up kid!
Why did the farmer give the horse a hammer at bedtime?Because he wanted the horse to hit the hay.
What goes trot-dash-trot-dash-dash?Horse code.
Why do zebras have black and white stripes?So they can referee football games.
What kind of horse makes you wake up scared?A nightmare.
Why don’t rabbits have black and white stripes?Why on earth would a rabbit want to referee a football game?
Why did the chimp sell his banana store?He was tired of all the monkey business.
Why wouldn’t the pet store take back the chimp?They didn’t offer a monkey-back guarantee.
What dog loves to have its fur washed?A shampoodle.
What do you call a crate of ducks?A box of quackers.
Did you ever wonder if …… milk comes out of a cow’s nose when it laughs?
What does a Dalmatian say after eating a particularly savory bowl of dog food?“Oh yeah, that definitely hits the spots.”
What’s the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?Use a cow-culator.
What should you do when you’re serving a camel tea?Ask him if he’d like one hump or two.
What do you call a really good camel joke?A hump-dinger.
What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kung fu master?Lamb chops.
Why do kings have royal seals?Because royal walruses eat too much.
What did the sheep say to his fiancée?“There’s something I have to tell you: I love ewe.”
What do you call a sheep farm with only rams?Ewes-less.
How do you toast a sheep?“Here’s to ewe.”
Where did the sheep go after high school?Ewe-niversity.
What do you call a lamb who does aerobics?Sheep shape.
When is a sheep like a dog?When it has fleece.
What do pigs see when they go to the ballet?Swine Lake.
Why are pigs always in fashion?They’re sty-lish.
What do you call a go-go-dancing pig?Shakin’ bacon.
What did the pig say when he fell down the stairs?“Oh, my achin’ bacon.”
What happened when the pig couldn’t get up from his fall?He called a ham-bulance.
Where did the pig go to recover from his fall?The hog-spital.
Which skunk lives in a church?Pepe le Pew.
What kind of books do skunks read?Best-smellers.
What do you call a teddy who wears flannel and cuts down trees for a living?A lum-bear-jack.
What does the cow like to do on her day off?Go to the moovies.
How do you play leapfrog with a hedgehog?Very carefully.
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Jokes
